


Drinking buddy

by alicy_sunberg33



Series: Drinking buddy [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Angst, Angsty Haruno Sakura, Drunk Haruno Sakura, Drunk confessions, Drunkenness, F/M, Honesty, Karin and Sakura friendship, Lots of punching, Ooc Haruno Sakura, POV Haruno Sakura, Post-The Last: Naruto the Movie, Pre-Boruto, Punching rocks, Sakura swears, Self-Harm, Uchiha Sasuke being an ass, i like alliterations, it’s the alcohol mostly, mentions of child death, non-established relationship, sassy Sakura, sassy sasuke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-01-30 15:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21430705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alicy_sunberg33/pseuds/alicy_sunberg33
Summary: Haruno Sakura had a shit of a day at the Children’s Hospital and came to vent her anger in the canyon near Konoha, her, a bottle a sake and her fists, away from prying eyes. Or so she thought.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke
Series: Drinking buddy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997713
Comments: 17
Kudos: 224





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER : The abuse of alcohol is bad for your health! Drink with moderation!
> 
> OTHER DISCLAIMER : This is a beta-less work written by a French girl! Be mindful of that while readin! Any mistakes you see and point out would be a huge help! 
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Sakura had stayed up for the last 17 hours straight for a surgery. 

The kid they operated was staying in the hospital for children for some years now. Mio had a permanent room in the hospital. She was cheerful and a prankster. She loved spreading joyful chaos around the building. She was 11 and she had all her life in front of her... 

Until the fit. 

During the last great ninja war, the one Sakura took part in, a lot of chakra was released and damaged the most fragile individuals all around the continent. Namely the elderly and the children. The scale was that important. Mio was one of the children that was irremediably damaged by the massive waves of chakra that blasted through the lands. Her body took in a lot of it and as it could not be able to receive such a massive amount, and unable to release it by herself, she had many fits and seizures from the very amount of it that stayed in her, even after all those years. 

She was not the only child they had here with this same affliction, but her body had been the most sensitive to it. 

Sakura had activated her chakra Seal to keep her alive during the operation, while Ino and the other doctors had tried to temperate the seizure and bring her back. 

But it had not been enough. Even when Sakura started absorbing her chakra into her seal, a risky move for the situation, it had not been enough to stabilize her. It had been the most brutal and surprising fit yet. None of them expected it to come with such violence.

She should have expected it. She was Tsunade’s _fucking_ disciple, dammit!!!

Mio died at dawn. 

Sakura managed to not faint from exhaustion. She had announced the failure of the operation to Mio’s mother. The tears on the poor woman’s face were the most hurtful sight she’d ever seen in her life. And Sakura had seen some shit already. But this... 

This had slain her. 

She had left in the night after finishing the paperwork. 

After starting working at the Hospital for Children, Sakura had moved out of her parents’ place in the residential area to be closer to her workplace. After Doctor Chihara retirement announcement, expected to be in a few months now, she was going to take over the management of the place. 

But as she walked the quiet streets, the night sky was clear and the moon kingdom up there seemed to stare at her as if contemplating her failure of an existence. 

Some kunoichi she was.

She climbed the steps to her apartment. Entered the darkened room, lit it up. Changed into her fighting gear, took a sake bottle and put it in a backpack. 

As soon as she was done preparing, she left her place and took a running start in the street then jumped on the roofs and left the village’s walls, going passed the forest and arriving at the canyon surrounding the east part of the village. 

This is where she came when she wanted to vent, the first time she failed another surgery a year ago, and no one would be here to see her. 

Today was the second time she failed a surgery. She had faced many deaths during the war but nothing had hit her more than the death of the children in her care.

_Mio_. Darling Mio, with a smile that could kill any anger, with her dream of being a baker. 

She pulled out the bottle of sake. Opened it. Downed at least a third of it before gasping with delight to the night sky. The burn felt good. She needed that. She had not brought a glass. No need. Tonight was the night she would get _hammered_! And would give _no fucks_! Tonight was the night where no one could see her in this state. She couldn’t be seen with all this shame and all this failure.

She glanced at the giant pillar of natural stone standing before her, staring her down.

“Watcha lookin’ at, huh?” she growled.

She did not bother putting on her gloves. She roared and punched it raw. She felt the chakra burst instinctively in her arm and blast through the stone. She could feel for one satisfying moment, the exact instant when the chakra burst through the pillar, and gigantic pieces of rock started to fall down towards her.

“That’s right,” she slurred, grinning. “Come at me!! You think I can’t handle a _fucking rock_!?”

She punched through every single one of them. Her leaver gloves, enhanced with a specific jutsu, usually protected her from the brunt of the contact. But tonight she was not going to put them on. She wanted to hurt. She deserved the hurt.

“Yeah!!” CRUNCH! “I can handle a rock just fine!” BLAM! “Not like a fucking surgery!” CRACK! “Not like helping my friends and the guy I love! Who needs this bitch anyway huh?!!” CRLAAACK!! 

The last piece of rock that fell, she gave it a massive uppercut and it snapped in thousands of pieces falling down around her. Some splinters scraped on her naked arms but she didn’t care. 

She was panting and it was more because she was getting angry than out of exertion. This was child’s play. She’d gone through worse than this. She could do this all day!! 

She turned and stared at the cliff behind her. She huffed and strode towards it.

“You had one job,” she grumbled. “One _fucking_ job. Keep her alive, keep them alive and well. So that none of the kids have to suffer. So that no kids end like Naruto or Sasuke-kun. So that they feel _loved_ and never let down. And you thought you did a job out of that, didn’t you?”

She glanced up at the gigantic wall of stone in front of her, pure hatred seething through her eyes. 

“Well guess what,” she hissed. “YOU WERE WRONG!!!!”

She punched through the cliff. And it exploded. A crater formed like a massive halo around her tiny form. The power of the hit had dug so violently in the wall the blast blew through the canyon and the wind whipped her hair back. 

Now she finally felt the tears. She was still panting and staring at her extended bloody fist, hammered in the cliff. She dislodged and considered her hand before shaking it to get rid of the blood. She did not heal it. Not yet. She didn’t deserve it yet.

She walked away and ignored the dust that came from behind her as the cliff slowly crumbled in the canyon.

She retrieved the bottle of sake, miraculously intact, and took another swig out of it. 

She leaned her back against a big rock, sitting, and staring up the sky, her gaze getting itself lost in the stars, she could guess the shape of Mio’s smile in them. She sniffled, scrubbed indignifyingly her sniveling nose with her forearm and let the tears flow. The buzz of the alcohol numbing pleasantly her head but the pain in her fists feeling right, feeling sharp and punishing. 

She couldn’t remember when she fell asleep. She heard a noise and opened her eyes. There was a familiar face leaning above hers, black eye and black hair staring down at her. He had a slight frown. _As per usual_.

She chuckled humorlessly, her voice rasp:

“Shit. I’m so fucking drunk I’m dreaming of you now... Thank the gods, it’s a dream, I would rather die on the spot and be hit by thunder than you seeing me like this...”

“What happened?” Dream Sasuke asked. His voice was even. Careful. Calm. It had a strangely appeasing effect on her.

“A kid at the Children’s Hospital in my care died today,” she laughed bitterly, extending her bloodied arms up to the sky as if she was announcing triumphant news. Except her drunken and slurred voice made it sound pathetic and sad, as it actually was. She let her arms fall and hit the stone below her harshly. “I was leading a surgery, trying to save her life... and as usual.... I failed spectacularly!!” 

She giggled depreciatively and glanced at Sasuke. The frown was still on. But he was looking at the sky too and sighed from the nose. A non-judgmental and non-comitial way of admitting that this was bad news indeed. Then he looked down at her hands, his frown deepened.

“Where are your gloves?”

“I didn’t need them today.”

“That’s idiotic. You punched a cliff. Of course you’re going to need them.”

She shook her head, her smile still sad. 

“No. This is not about safety. Not this time. I needed to punish myself.”

He stared at her and his gaze was intense. Usually she would avoid it out of embarrassment and blush like the impressionable teenager she was in front of him. But this time, though she did sense the blush going through her ears, she was too fascinated from seeing him to stare away. 

“That does sound like someone I know,” he smiled depreciatively. She blinked and bursted out laughing. He waited patiently for her to finish.

“Oh wow,” she sighed. “I never thought I’d see the day when I actually realize there’s a parallel between you and me!”

“Why not?”

“Are you the one actually asking this? You went through so much shit, Sasuke-kun. How could all of that... _all of that_! Could possibly compare to what I just saw today? I failed to save a child that was my responsibility and you...”

“And I almost entirely destroyed the village of Konoha and many more for my revenge... that would’ve made a lot of dead children, no?”

“Fucking shit,” she spluttered and then laughed incredulously. “Don’t joke about that, you jerk...!”

She huffed and saw him smirk. 

“It’s true that...” she said focusing her gaze on the stars again, “... I thought that you going off on your own to repent was... at the same time I could understand why you wanted to go, because holy crap, it’s true you done fucked up,” she relished in his chuckle at what she said. “But at the same time I thought you were being so hard on yourself. That you were giving yourself this punishment and...”

He gave her a look from the corner of his eye. And she giggled again, blushing but laughing at what he meant with that expression.

“Okay, okay, I get the parallel now.” She pointed at him. “Pot.” She pointed at herself. “Kettle.” She heard him huff and she laughed some more.

They stayed silent for a moment longer, staring up.

“Even if it’s just a dream,” she said softly, “I’m glad to see you. I try not to because I know you don’t like it when people fuss about you, but I always think of you. I also know you can take care of yourself, but I always get worried, I always end up hoping that you’re not hurt and...”

He looked at her from the corner of the eye again. She sighed.

“Sorry. I’m rambling. I just want you to be safe. But that’s okay. You’re not really here, so I’m keeping that for me.”

He hummed.

“Why won’t you heal these wounds?” He asked then, nodding his chin at her hands, still bloody.

“I’ll do it eventually. Just not yet. I need to feel the pain. Translate the psychological to physical. To something tangible.”

She closed her eyes. 

“I wish I could let them scar. That way I’d always be reminded of it. Of her. Of them.”

“Them?”

“The two children I could not save. Haruki-kun and Mio-chan. Two beautiful children with beautiful dreams... and I failed them.”

Silence again. 

“Did you try your best?” he asked.

“Hm...? Oh... I thought I did, back then. But the more I think about it, the more I say to myself that I might’ve seen it coming and could’ve prevented it somehow...”

“That’s just ‘what ifs’. You shouldn’t base your abilities on that. Sometimes doing your best is just not enough. You need to accept this, Sakura. Especially in your line of work.”

She chuckled. 

“Look at you, giving actually good advices. Still needs some work, ‘cause that was harsh as fuck, but it’s getting there.”

“Thank you for the constructive criticism,” he chuckled. 

“You’re very welcome!” 

She looked up at him and his profile staring up the sky. He looked so relaxed, almost serene. The sight of him like this brought warmth and relief. She settled her hand on her heart, feeling it beat, ignoring the smear of blood the gesture did on her top. She doubted she did anything good in the last few days to deserve a dream like this. But she loved every second of this. 

“Sakura. You’re still bleeding.”

“I know.”

“Are you going to do something about it?”

“Nope.”

She heard him sigh. 

“You sound like an idiot.”

“I always feel like I sound like an idiot.”

“That’s probably because you’re drunk.”

“No no no, I’m telling you,” she slurred. “I always feel like I sound like an idiot.”

“Well, you have your moments,”

She laughed again. She heard him shuffling in his pouches. She used her elbows to straighten up and saw him pull out a small first-aid kit.

“Sit up.”

His tone was not going to allow protest so she did what he asked. Plus, whatever, it was just a...

He took her hand in his to put on his lap and he started cleaning up the wounds.

... dream.

“Holy shit.”

She stood up immediately. Held her hand against her chest, and stared at him incredulously. She scrubbed her eyes hard, cursing when she realized she was putting blood in them and used her top to clean her face up. She looked up and he was still there. Looking at her impassively. His frown was slightly disapproving. 

Uchiha Sasuke was actually here. Casually sitting on the same rock where she was getting herself drunk on.

“This is not a dream. You’re actually here...” she didn’t know if she was going paler or redder.

“I was wondering how long it would take you to realize,” he deadpanned. 

“_And you didn’t say anything?!_”

“It didn’t look like you needed to know that at the moment,” he shrugged. 

Then she realized all the things she had said, her state, her bloody fists, and wet face from her tears and snot...

She was definitely getting redder. She turned away from him, walked slowly behind the biggest rock she could find, crouched behind it so that Sasuke couldn’t see her anymore and groaned loudly. 

“This is so embarrassing,” she wheezed. “I want to die. Forget you saw anything.”

His snort told her he absolutely wasn’t going to forget. She groaned again.

“What even are you doing here?!” she whined. “Aren’t you supposed to be on a mission?!”

“I was. But I finished early and I needed to resupply. I heard all the commotion you did and I came to check out if it was a beast or something else. And it was just you.”

“‘Just me’, heh...”

She felt like she was starting to cry again.

“I came here because I didn’t want anybody to see me like this! And out of aaall the people that could’ve seen me like this, it had to be _you_!”

She hid her face in her knees that she hugged close to her form. 

“Why shouldn’t anybody see you like this?” 

She didn’t hear him come in front of her. More like she felt him. But when she heard him talk again a few inches away from her, she didn’t look up. She had felt the tears again.

“I’m a doctor,” she said, her voice muffled. “If there’s one person people can’t see break down, it’s the doctor. They have to represent calmness, solemnity, reason...”

She chuckled bitterly.

“And right now I’m none of those things.”

“You were always more sensitive about those things, Sakura. Everyone knows that. Hiding it is not really necessary,”

She barked a laugh at that.

“Asshole...,” she sniffled. “Do you have to say it like that?” She looked up at him and the smirk he gave her made her heart swoon. She embraced the feeling for a moment and chuckled some more, scrubbing her tears on her knees.

Her exhale was shaky. 

“I’m sensitive in general. But this is about my failure. _My_,” she pointed harshly at herself, “failure. No one can help me with that. I decided I would get hammered today. And no one was going to see me like this. No one.”

He sighed through the nose again. 

“Sit.”

She looked up at him. He was looking at her intensely. She wanted to die, right there. But he didn’t look like he was going to let this one go. She sat. He did so as well. Settled her hand on his lap and started to clean up the wound. She felt the sting of the disinfectant he had pulled out from his pouch, but she was used to this kind of pain and didn’t even flinch. 

“If Tsunade saw you like this, I don’t think she would approve,” he said.

She scoffed.

“Don’t remind me. I don’t come here to have anyone’s approval.”

“You’re used to do that?”

“It’s only the second time,” she shook her head. 

“Does Naruto know?”

“Gods, no,” she chuckled. “You’re the only one. Naruto and you were the last persons I wanted to see me like this.”

“Why not him? Isn’t he your friend?”

“I respect and admire the two you too much,” she sighed. “I am not as strong as the two of you and I will probably never be. The only thing that I have for me is my brains, and even that doesn’t want to work sometimes. Especially compared to yours.”

He shook his head.

“You don’t have to prove anything. You’re plenty strong. Your sensitivity may have more to do with that than you think.”

“Huh. Haven’t thought of it that way...”

She smiled bashfully while still looking at him.

“You’re really getting better at this pep talk kind of thing,” she laughed softly.

“Coming from you, I suppose it’s a big compliment. That’s always something you were good at.”

“Naruto is so much better at it, though.”

“If you’re taking him as reference, we might as well admit we’re shit at it then.”

She straight up cackled at this. “Now you’re just being spiteful.” 

He smirked under his hair. “No comment.” 

She laughed some more.

It was amazing what this trip did to him. Seeing him more relaxed, more serene, laughing, and being this humble... there was still the factualness she always had been used to, and his arrogant side would always be present in some way but he had changed a bit. 

He had expertly wrapped her forearm in bandage, which was quite an impressive feat for a one-armed man. Sakura was mentally drained and felt like a puppet in his hand. Having him so close to her felt more dizzying than the alcohol she drank before.

“I’m sorry you had to see me like this...,” Sakura sighed, leaning against the stone. “You were supposed to rest and report and all of that, and instead you just find this... _mess_...” she gestured to herself then to all around them, pointing out the crumbled canyon, with her newly bandaged hand. He shrugged and tapped his lap so she could put her other hand on it. Still blushing, she did as she was told.

“I don’t mind.”

She blinked.

“You... You don’t?”

“No. You always had this goal of being perfect all the time. Especially in front of me. You weren’t so preoccupied with your appearance like this with Naruto, though. The moments I liked you the most were when you weren’t trying so hard. I think today is the most honest I’ve seen you yet.”

That stunned her. She was pretty sure she was as pink as her own hair. She was silently thanking herself for drinking all that sake that numbed her shame. 

“Geez... I was trying way too hard, didn’t I?”

“A bit. You never needed to do that. Back then, I was only content with myself. Whatever you did wasn’t going to help you much get my attention.” 

“Naruto got your attention plenty, though,” she pouted. “I think I was always a bit jealous of that...”

“That’s because he was a noisy little shit. He still is. And...” 

He finished up the bandages around her other hand and crouched gracefully on the ball of his feet to approach her shoulders and started cleaning up the wounds on the rest of her arms she got with the splinters of the stones she had crushed.

“...he and I have a lot in common. I knew a bit of his story...”

“Right...”

He looked up at her.

“Sakura.”

“Hm?”

“You’re being too hard on yourself.”

She gave him a sad smile, her tears still flowing.

“I have to be,” she sobbed. “Or I won’t be good enough for this village... I won’t be good enough for you...”

He sighed. Lifted his hand and petted her hair awkwardly. 

“If you ask me...,” he said while getting up. “You’re more than I deserve right now. But you didn’t wait for me to decide that, did you?”

She was confused at what he was saying. He smiled. Then pointed at himself. “Pot.” Pointed at her and extended his hand to her. “Kettle.”

She laughed again. Took his hand and let him get her up easily. He walked to where she let her stuff. Took a light swig out of the bottle then waited for her to get closer before giving it back to her. 

She rolled her eyes at the horny teenager in her that squealed “_Indirect kiss!!!_”, took the bottle and finished it in three large gulps. As she let her bandaged arm down, she looked up at the sky. She was still crying. She barely noted the hiccup she made.

“Don’t go to work tomorrow,” Sasuke said.

“I can hold my liquor,” she slurred, raising an eyebrow at him. “I won’t have an issue waking up in the morning.”

“I’m sure you won’t, I’m not talking about that. You’re in mourning, Sakura. You need to rest.”

She stared at him and gave a wet chuckle.

“Huh. You might be right. I’m gonna take tomorrow’s day off.”

He nodded. Took her bag for her with his own, swung it on his shoulder, then turned to her, as she was hesitating, a bit dumbstruck. 

“Let’s walk on the way back,” he called out.

“I can run,” Sakura scoffed.

“You’re just going to hit a tree and fall like a stone.”

“Fuck you. But good point.”

She saw the flash of a smile below his hair at her antics. Sakura knew she had not been this vulgar in front of him. Ever. It usually happened with the other one inside of her. Now the two Sakuras had completely merged. Grief and alcohol!! The perfect recipe!

She walked past him. Stumbled and fell. Cursed. Felt an arm sneak around hers and pull her up, she was suddenly standing, flushed against him and she couldn’t feel herself anymore from the heat she was feeling through all her body at their closeness. He started to walk and still had his arm around hers.

“I can walk on my own,” she muttered.

“Right. I give you three steps until you end up face down in the mud,” he deadpanned.

“Huh. Now you’re straight up underestimating me!!” she huffed. She paused. “I give myself five steps.”

He snorted. 

There was a silence during which they walked away from the canyon, entering the forest. Sakura leaned heavily against him, enjoying the closeness for but a moment. When they left the rocky, uneven terrain, Sakura slowly let go.

“Thanks,” she smiled softly. “I’m okay now.”

“Sure?” 

She nodded and he fell into step with her. She enjoyed the silence. The buzz of the alcohol was numbing her embarrassment. It was both empowering and unsettling.

“Sasuke-kun.” She said, as she walked pass him to turn and face him. “Thank you. I don’t know if that was intentional, but that cheered me up. More than I thought it would. I think I’m glad it wasn’t a dream after all.”

“It was intentional. I didn’t know if it would work though. Pretty sure it did because of luck. And the fact you were drunk. I didn’t exactly expect to find you here but... it was a nice surprise.”

“Asshole,” she deadpanned when she saw his smirk.

She looked down at her hands, neatly bandaged.

“And thank you for treating these...”

“I don’t see why you should thank me. It’s going to heal in no time.”

“I got bandages from you,” she grinned. “Just because of that I’m going to take my sweet, sweet time healing.”

_Well that was brutally honest_. As soon as those words came out she wanted to bury her head in her hands and scream. Alcohol, alcohol, will you never _shut the fuck up_. But well. She was at this point... He rolled his eyes and chuckled. Falling into step with her again.

“Take all the time you want then.”

She did flirt at him, but did he just _flirt back_? She decided to move on from that, or her heart was never getting over it.

“How have you been?” Sakura asked softly. “Did you meet up with Team Taka for the mission?”

“I did for the first few weeks but then I had to go in infiltration, so they couldn’t help me there.”

The rest of the walk was spent talking about Sasuke’s work. His sentences were short but he answered all her questions. He didn’t pull away when she started bumping her shoulder unto his. She almost fell again by missing a root, and he caught her elbow. She was giggling and had to sit down for a moment. Sasuke made her drink some water, every once in a while. He asked her where she got her resistance to alcohol, or rather the lack of thereof -she had punched him in the shoulder, and was quite satisfied to see him wince at the hit when he chuckled- and she told him about her weekly meetings with Tsunade-sama and Shizune-san. She told him about the life in Konoha, about the children at the Hospital. About the orphanage Kabuto was managing. About when she would go out and do expeditions to retrieve rare medicinal herbs. About the meeting with the team of previous gennins she had led for a time. How she had found a disciple in one of them and was very excited about it. About the weekly lunches she had with Naruto, when she would help him study to finally pass his goddam exams. It was a formality at this point, especially after the war, but this fucker lacked so many theoretical knowledge, no one was going to allow him to become Hokage if he didn’t know shit about junin 101. 

She was talking so much she hadn’t noticed how she had still her arm snaked around his and how he was still supporting her when she was stumbling. 

It was honestly the best thing that could have happened after all the shit that went down the day before. Sasuke was safe, was doing well and being successful, had friends with whom he worked with, even a girl she could be jealous of. She didn’t even care to hide that she was jealous of her. Well... not only her.

“I’m jealous of them,” she admitted bluntly. And before she could stop there he had asked:

“Why?”

“They get to spend time with you. Go on mission with you. I want to do that too. At least just once... Is it too much to ask?”

“You know I like to work alone on some jobs,” he tried to temperate. “And I have all the help I can get with Taka.”

“Do you think I could be a honorary member?”

He snorted. 

“You would want to punch every single one of them. They’re all criminals, you know?”

Sakura thought about it for a moment. Then made a face and shrugged. 

“You’re an idiot,” he chuckled.

“When it’s about you, guilty as charged. Gods know I did some stupid shit because of you.”

He had stopped and she ended up walking past him. She turned back to him, frowning. He stared at her with his impassive intense stare.

“That’s one thing I hate,” he admitted. 

“What is?” She walked back to him.

“I don’t like the fact that you made stupid things because of me. I don’t like the fact that you paid for my choices.”

She paused. 

“Took you long enough to realize they had an influence on all of us, huh?”

“I guess. I was too self-centered. I still am.”

He stared right into her eyes and she felt herself getting redder by the second. But she held it. Sighed. 

“When you left Konoha,” she said her voice barely above a whisper, “I _begged_,” she spat the word, “I begged Naruto to bring you back. And when I saw him next, all of the team he had gathered and himself returned in a shit of a state. When I learned about that, I was so disgusted with myself I vomited outside of the hospital. I wanted to die.”

Sasuke frowned some more. She closed her eyes and breathed again before going on:

“I blamed myself for this. For a long time. A part of me still does to this day. Because I couldn’t stop you back then. I hated myself... Still do.”

She bit her lip to refrain from crying.

“I learned in time, that we are not responsible for the others’ choices. Naruto told me that he would’ve tried his hardest even if I didn’t say anything. And all the stupid shit I did to try and stop you, I did because I am in love with you, and I can’t seem to think straight when it’s about you. That’s all there is to it.”

His eye had widen at this. And while not looking away from his stare, she deeply exhaled and smelt the sake in her breath. She ignored the shame she felt for that and focused on her words:

“I think,” she said slowly, her voice clear, “that this good ol’ booze helps me say again something that I’ve told you already before. I am confirming it to you still. I love you. It has not changed. And I don’t think it will anytime soon. I don’t want an answer from you. Not right now. Not when I,” she gestured to herself, “look like this _fucking mess_. But you know now.”

She took a deep breath again.

“You are your own man. I love you for that. I am my own woman. Do not feel bad for the things I did. You are not my responsibility. You are not Naruto’s responsibility. And I am not your responsibility. Do what you have to do. To feel better about yourself. I will wait until you do.”

There was a long pause, before he brought his hand behind his neck and scrubbed it awkwardly and finally gave a nod. She brought her hands to her cheeks and felt the heat of her face even through the bandages.

“I told you were better at the pep talk thing,” he huffed. She blinked and laughed one more time, sending it to the sky. She felt tears of relief prickle at the corner of her eyes and she scrubbed it while she calmed down.

“How long are you staying?”

“A few days at most. Make my report, resupply. Await a new order. Visit a few graves and a few friends in the mean time.”

She nodded. 

“Do you think you will be free in two days time?”

“Probably. Why?”

“Mio-chan’s funeral. I think I will need to get hammered again,” she smiled depreciatively. “And you have proven do be a great drinking buddy!”

He snorted. Then stared at her begging eyes and smiled.

“Why not? Might as well enjoy alcohol while I still can, I guess.”

She internally yelled of pure joy and glee and managed by the miracle of restrain and control of mind to stop herself from doing it in front of him.

They walked some more before they finally arrived at the doors of the village. They were open even at night now. The joy of being in peace time. She stared back at the road behind them, the one used to leave the village.

“Will you tell me when you leave?” she asked, hopeful.

“Probably not,” he smirked.

“Asshole,” she muttered and he chuckled again. His laugh gave her life. She’d do anything to hear it again and again.

“Well it doesn’t matter. I can follow you anywhere if I want to.”

“That’s not necessary,” he sighed. “Don’t you have a Hospital to work in?” 

“Hah! You have no idea how many day offs they owe me!” She stuck out her tongue at him.

“Isn’t your life here better? Life on the road isn’t necessarily the best there is.”

She stared at him and she felt that her determination was well translated in her eyes because he sighed again.

“I’ll be the judge of that, hm?”

“Right. Guess I’ll leave in dead of the night again.”

“That’s cute. You can certainly try.”

She doesn’t remember fainting. She does remember waking up slightly, and mumbling her address when she heard his distant voice asking for it, while being carried in his arm. She snuggled against him.

She remembered a long hand petting her hair while she cried herself to sleep. Her catching it in hers and kissing its knuckles softly and thanking it.

She woke up in the middle of the day in her bed, fully tucked. She remembered taking a shower when she entered her apartment with him last night. She doesn’t remember getting in her pajamas. She looked below the cover. _Yep, that definitely were her pajamas_. She used her pillow to cover her blushing face and screamed for long seconds into it. 

Her hands were still bandaged. She thanked all the gods there was because she woke up with a massive headache but she remembered every single details of the night before. 

She remembered Mio as well. She cried again, for the next hour. Hugged the bandages against her heart and wailed against her pillow. And mourned for the whole day. As he had suggested. She took the day off. Went to see her parents. Went to see Naruto who made it his personal mission to cheer her up. Went to chat with Tsunade-sama who encouraged her. And supplied her with another bottle of her best sake for the next day.

_Here’s to getting yourself hammered and not being alone while doing so._


	2. Sobering up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke point of view this time.

Sun had yet to rise when Sasuke stepped out of the village once again, going off for his new mission. He was a bit tired.

Two nights ago, he had drunk on Sakura’s apartment’s rooftop, with two folding chairs, a bottle of sake and a small table, enjoying the night breeze and a very depressed Sakura telling him every little anecdote on Konoha she had ever known. 

It was a long night... It was probably one of the best he had since leaving Taka. 

She told him for example how she sometimes had to work in the main hospital to help when some missions brought back many injured shinobis, and how she was able to tell what’s been going on in the city with surprising clarity, just by looking at the wounded in the hospital beds.

Strangely enough, he had learned more about Sakura in those two nights than in the years he had known her. Not that he had particularly interested himself in other people back when he was obsessed with revenge. But still. He even doubted she would’ve told him about her this much back when they were in the same team.

He had been surprised by her self-depreciation and of how little she considered herself. What she had explained about her way of seeing things had helped shedding some light as to why that was. How she always felt there was a latence between her and the boys of Team 7, how every time she failed somewhere, especially in her field of expertise she felt like wanting to puke, and that made her feel even more worthless. It had been eye opening in many aspects. He felt their paths of self-hatred were similar, he didn’t like that very much, but he had never quite grasped how much it had hit Sakura. 

He had wondered aloud if it had anything to do with his actions. Even though she had told him the opposite, told him that it was her own incompetence that had led to this. She had said that it was her own fault if she considered herself this pathetic. 

From his perspective, she was probably the most amazing woman he ever met. Talented, quick witted and sharp, intelligent beyond measure, always ready to do the right thing and being more pragmatic than others might first think, a selflessness and a generosity that equals those of Naruto... A kindness so strong it had saved him from darkness just with the memory of it... 

He tried to tell her in other words than these, because admitting all of that this bluntly felt too bold. Plus he still felt undeserving of her attention. But that’s another subject entirely. Still, he felt she had understood what he had meant, but something in her probably didn’t want to admit it. She had a harder time accepting compliments like this, it seemed. 

He remembered that proud grin she had when she had climbed the tree first and stared down at both him and Naruto, when they were still young genins. The girl was pleased with any kind of accomplishments, back then. Sakura was stronger now than she was at the time. However now, she would take the compliment with surprise, and not smiling so much. As if she didn’t quite believe them.

Certainly, he learnt a lot about Sakura. In a very depressing way. He felt kind of bad that it took some horrible thing like the death of child to bring them closer than before. And that it had required for Sakura to be massively drunk.

He had pointed it out and she had laughed openly, sending the sound to the sky. It was a sad laugh. On her, it had looked both beautiful and heart-wrenching. 

She talked the most out of the two, like the previous night when they had met. She did not ask questions about her pajamas and that was perfectly fine by him. Not that it was really that embarrassing - though it still was-, but because during the whole ordeal, she had cried. Insulting herself non stop. He did not want to bring back this memory in front of her, while still processing the death of her charge.

She talked about the kid, Mio, about her life in the hospital. How she had felt responsible for her condition since she took part in the Shinobi War. How the girl was a pure source of joy and mischief and made her both pull her hair out and laugh. How her mother kept bringing pickled vegetables to the staff when she brought food for her daughter, and always thanking them for taking care of her. How the poor woman had hugged her at the funeral and how Sakura had called upon every fiber of her being not to cry in front of her and smile through the pain. How she kept telling herself it was her fault. 

It had taken a few minutes of silent tears and alcohol before she had spoken to him in a bitter way, but smiling:

“Why is it that every time we see each other, I end up being a crying mess?”

It was not a reproachful tone. She was asking. But he wondered if it was actually rhetorical... he took a shot.

“Do you think there’s a correlation?”

“Hm. Maybe. Or it’s just that I cry really easily.” 

“Your words, not mine.” She had snorted at that, and he smirked back. Then he looked up at the sky, stars shining quietly. “... I can think of a time when you didn’t cry though...”

“Oh really?”

He had leaned a bit closer to her and poked her forehead with his two fingers. Probably one of the most meaningful gestures he ever knew. And he felt she was aware of that, when he had done it to her the first time. She simply stared him back, and he had seen the absolute redness of her face. Still, she held his gaze and simply said:

“Oh.”

“Hm. The second time I left Konoha. Not so long ago, I believe. And in much better circumstances than the first.”

“That’s an understatement...”

She had ruffled her own hair in a futile attempt to hide her blush. But alcohol made her bold. She looked back at him. And it was hard not to smile at this expression. 

She was beautiful. More than he dared to say and more than she would care to admit, this he had realized during the last few days. He hoped that his actions would show her otherwise. 

“Sakura.”

“Yes.”

“Had you not thought of seeking someone else’s company? Other than me, I mean. You would find someone easily.”

She had stared at him then gave a deep sigh. She tried to deflect the question with a dramatic flick of her hair and a:

“Flatterer.”

But he kept on staring at her and she sighed finally:

“I did thought about it, actually.” He felt his heart churn just a bit. But it had gone when she finished the next sentence. “But when I did, I hated every single minute of it, so I ended that reeeaal quick. I told you before, Sasuke-kun. I don’t think I’ll be changing that anytime soon. I tried to forget you. And I failed spectacularly.”

She smiled up fondly, looking at him from the corner of her eye:

“And for once, I don’t mind that very much.”

He thought he was now the one blushing but he trusted his skin not to fail him. Plus it was night. Only Sakura had the privilege of being able to blush so hard you could see it in the dark. That thought made him chuckle. 

Eventually, she fell asleep on the chair and he brought her down to her apartment and put her to bed. Again. He wondered for a moment if it was going to be a habit between them, and for a second, he stopped to consider whether he should be happy or wary that he would consider them seeing each other like this becoming a habit in the first place. He found no answer to his taste and just kept a minuscule hope in a corner of his head.

This time she had put on her pajamas before loosing consciousness and he was grateful for that. Putting them on her last time was probably one of the most awkward things he ever did, and Gods knew he did many in the past. 

She had thanked him before slumber took her. And kissed his knuckles again. He had stared at her for long minutes the first time she did. He wasn’t sure of how he was able to handle it. He didn’t know what to make of it. Though this made him appreciate his hand a bit more, strangely enough. This hand that had provoked so much suffering before. Now was petting pink hair on a drunk sleeping girl that was his childhood friend... 

He spent the following day resupplying and visiting Naruto, spending most of the time eating at Ishiraku, teasing each other like no tomorrow and chatting nonsensically. It had felt good. Definitely less depressing. He did miss them. The people of Konoha, always casually on guard, like only Konoha people could be, relaxed, ready for a laugh and doing something stupid. 

Before dawn came, he was ready to set out. And when he looked up, he stopped.

Leaning on a tree by the village’s entrance, fully geared up, a back pack at her feet, Haruno Sakura was in front of him, fresh as a flower in the morning dew, her Konoha headband on, as if none of those days of heavy drinking had happened, looking at a map under the light of a nearby lantern. She perked up when she noticed him and smiled smugly.

“Hey there! I knew I couldn’t have missed you! I think I’m starting to see a pattern.”

“What are you doing here, Sakura?” He didn’t even try to hide his annoyance. She grinned.

“I’m coming with you.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Do you have something against that?”

“Other than the fact that I already told you that I work alone? This is a long-run mission. No amount of day-offs can equal the number of days I will have to spend on the field.”

“Oh, that’s okay, no need to worry about that, I resigned from the Hospital yesterday morning.”

If he had been drinking something at this moment, he would’ve spat it in an explosive and spectacular way. He felt his mouth gape.

“You did _what_, now?” He felt anger rising in him.

“I resigned. From the Children’s hospital.”

There was a pause during which he stared at her like she was the most stupid thing he had in front of him. She was still smiling, though she had the decency of looking slightly sheepish this time.

“Why in the name of all that is sane in this world would you ever want to do that. And if you tell me it’s because you want to follow me, Sakura, I will knock you out here and now, and leave you at the door, again. I _will_ do it.”

He was ready to do it. Indeed she had done stupid stuff because of him but he would never allow her to drop her position in the village just for the sake of following him. He would never be able to live with himself if she did.

She smirked but he immediately knew it hid something else. It was a sad expression. Or rather a melancholic one.

“I need out, Sasuke-kun. I need to leave Konoha for a while.”

He frowned.

“You belong in the village,” he walked closer to her, trying to look as intimidating as possible. She held her ground and his gaze. Her green eyes almost glowed with the lantern light. “Konoha is where your abilities will truly shine, where you will thrive, and where you will be the most useful. They will need your help.”

“Maybe they will,” she shrugged. “But they handled themselves fine before my arrival. I don’t see how that will change much of anything.”

“You’re being an idiot, woman. There is darkness out there, this is no place for a shinobi of your type.”

She frowned then and Sasuke knew he said the wrong thing.

“Darkness? _A shinobi of my type_? What is this? What do you think this is?”

She made a gesture all around them. Now she was the one who stepped closer and she didn’t seem to realize they were almost touching.

“While we are at peace, at this moment, the path of shinobi is the path of war. We are trained to fight. And defend. And heal and protect. To track and to kill. This is what a ninja is.”

She stared right up at him and her gaze was fierce.

“I want the next generation to be able to live in the peace they deserve. I don’t want for another child to live like Mio, or you or Naruto. But who knows if that kind of stuff won’t happen again.”

She lowered her voice to drive her point home. 

“I know I don’t do the same work as you. I know I don’t fight the same way you do. But don’t you dare for even one second, pretend that there isn’t darkness in a _damned hospital_. And that I haven’t seen some extent of it. Just like you, I was reminded that the training we went through as kids and the conflict we faced later on, all of that was for a reason, for us to be ready to fight in a war like this. And the things we must fight against, they still exist in our very own city. The people I healed in Konoha are proof enough.”

She sighed through the nose, and refused to even blink as he stared down at her.

“Why do you want to leave, Sakura,” he asked softly.

She was then finally aware of the distance between them, she blinked and stiffly took two steps back, sighing her blush away.

“I need to be out of Konoha. I need to be someone else other than the one they see in Konoha. I want to figure some things out. And I need the time away to think.”

“Any day-off away from the village would’ve done the work.”

She shook her head.

“I told you before. You’re the only one who’s seen me like this. I need to be with someone who’s seen me at my worst.”

She smirked then.

“Lucky for you, I’ve also seen you at your worst!”

“If you want me to hit you so bad, you can just ask,” he deadpanned.

She laughed and put her hand on her hip.

“Also. I would like to talk and see you while not being drunk, or crying, or both, for a change.”

He chuckled bitterly at that.

“And here I though I would see our meetings ending with me carrying you around, passed out, every time,” he sneered.

“Alright, simmer down, jerk,” she said with a mocked impatience. “Let’s change the subject before I die of embarrassment.”

“You’re the one who keeps giving me ammo on said subject.”

She groaned loudly and he would’ve laughed if he didn’t know she was trying to distract him. He stared down at her.

“Maybe I could’ve figured some things out in a simple day off. But you and me we both know it doesn’t work like that for us.”

She crossed her arms and said with solemnity.

“The most important things I’ve figured out was through fighting. I need to go back on the field.”

Sasuke sighed and passed his hand on his face.

“On a more pragmatic side of affairs,” she added smoothly, showing the map she now had folded between her lithe fingers. “I took the liberty of informing myself on the mission you have with Kakashi-sensei -search-and-destroy type, right?- the mafia you’re looking for is in an area I’m familiar with. They’re settled in a black market near Kirigakure, famous for its rare and dangerous herbs used for drugs. Back when I was part of the medical intervention team, I was assigned there for a while.”

She smirked up at him. 

“Meaning I already have contacts there. Do you?”

He stood quietly there, mouth thin. She was right. It was completely Sakura’s type to be frustratingly well informed in areas that concerned him. It felt both impressive and creepy. However, it was true that her experience would be valuable.

“Does that mean you already said your goodbyes?”

“I did. Some tried to stop me. They tried their best, really.”

Hint: _Even if you try your best, I will come._

He was really getting annoyed. Mostly by the fact that he was slowly getting convinced. Then he remembered the last thing Naruto said to him, a big grin on his face a hand on his shoulder:

_“Well, have fun!”_

“_That little fucker knew..._” he whispered so hard Naruto probably sneezed in his sleep.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

She hummed and stepped closer to him again. This time, aware of the lack of distance between them and decided to not care. 

“So whatever you may say, Sasuke-kun, I’m coming with you.”

“You’re not changing your mind, are you?”

She smiled up at him.

“What do you think?”

Silence again when he just looked at her and she held it, again. 

“You are sober now, right?” He snarked.

“_Fuck you_.”

He chuckled.

“Good enough. Don’t slack off.”

He started walking out, ignoring the fist pump she did in his back, forgetting that he could see her. She fell into step with him, and said in a light voice:

“I did bring booze though.”

“Are you actually serious.”


	3. I need a drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura and Sasuke in their mission in the Blue Swamp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a one-shot. _This was supposed to be a one-shot._
> 
> Warning: The Fluff is strong in this one.

“Well that was fucking peachy.”

Sasuke looked up from the map he was sitting in front of to see Sakura stomping in their stake out. She had a bit of soot over her outfit.

This marked the first time he heard her curse so vehemently while being sober. He decided not to point that out. Yet. He would keep this ammunition for later. Right now, she looked irritable, and even him wouldn’t dare to challenge that.

She pulled out the brown wig she was wearing and slammed it on her futon, freeing her pink hair which was getting longer with every week passed in the Blue Swamp, the black market of Kirigakure that specialized in herbs and drugs, where they were posted. While she was getting out of the dark blue yukata she sported every time she went out, she kept muttering an uninterrupted flow of insults and swears that would make even Suigetsu blush, and her anger made her change, up to her underwear, right in front of him, and not seeming to care. Or notice. He doubted it was the former. 

He noted some scars on her back and the muscles of her shoulders, his other eye following the furious and tremendous amount of light green chakra swirling in her body. _Even her chakra was dazzling_, he thought. Though it had an angry glow at the moment. He felt his face heat up just a bit at the sight of her but it was over by the time she was done.

She was now dressed in her usual shorts and red tunic, tying her hair up in a bun with ease. The gesture could be seen graceful compared to the absolute fury that her face was showing. She then proceeded to slump on her futon, her face smacked down against the pillow, and she let out an enraged and muffled scream in it. Then a silence. Then another one, this time with her feet kicking the covers below. 

He felt his eyes widen at this. These last few days, Sakura was fun to be around, he had to admit. Not necessarily on purpose, mind you, and not in the way that she made him laugh -though she did sometimes- but because she was much more relaxed in his presence than she ever was before and showed him a range of expression he had rarely seen her do. She explained that it was most of the time her ‘other self’ that did the ‘pissed off’ parts inside of her, and he had no clue of who she was talking about. But apparently this other self had not been much in use lately... or probably, she came out much more often than the Sakura he knew allowed before.

All in all, he hardly remembered a time when Sakura’s self-control was so unguarded, even though she was indeed emotional, she had always tried to be mature in front of him. “Tried” being the keyword here. So this reaction made him smirk.

“I take it the negotiations didn’t go well...” 

He saw her body stiffen. She was still turning her back to him so he allowed himself a chuckle. 

Then it was the former. 

Sakura had come in and had been so furious she had changed and screamed in her pillow in front of him and didn’t notice him even once.

“_Of course_ you had to see this...” she groaned, pulling her face out of the futon to glare at him. Her ears and cheeks were colored a bright pink.

“Well... I was right there,” he deadpanned.

“Don’t you sass me,” she snapped back, turning on her side to hide her blush. He could still see her ears, but he would not point that out either. He waited for her chakra to settle down while studying the map of the black market they were posted in. 

“So?” He asked softly after a while.

“Child market,” she muttered. He looked up, starting to see where this was going. “I took down the one who managed it. I lost my cool... I brought him to Kirigakure, which is why I was late but now he won’t tell us shit... And because my contact saw me do it, he won’t trust me with any more info.”

He frowned. Her informant had told her many things about the mafia they had to take down. But loosing this precious source might compromise their mission quite a bit.

“He sold children... Orphans from the war. They went through so much and.... some of them were abused...”

Her voice was shaking. Fury and horror made her churn on the bed. He stared down at the map, sighing but listening.

“I thought I could hold it in while meeting him. But when I saw his smiling and unworried little face...”

She then turned to him, her green eyes were shining with absolute wrath. The sort of glare that could pin even him into place.

“Well... I couldn’t help it. I burned his house to the ground,” she said matter-of-factly. 

He nodded. He understood her anger. Somehow, this hardly surprised him. Earlier today, he had heard the alarms, and the smoke rising in the raining skies from a few miles away. Trademark Sakura right there. Sometimes he forgot how much of a powerhouse she was. There was a strange mix of amusement and of ‘I would’ve liked to see this’ swelling in him. He probably was not as angry as he should’ve been.

“Did you have the proof you needed to bring him in?”

“Everything was in his office...” she scoffed. “Amateur. I managed to get some meat on the next baron but strangely enough, there’s little information about them. Go figure...”

“Their lack of team work is both a curse and a blessing for them. The less they know about each other, the less they are willing to help each other out, but that means also, the less the network risks being brought down from the type of operation we’re doing.” 

She laid down on her back, hands linked and squeezed so hard her knuckles were white.

“I blew it up. They will know someone is here to take them down. Last time, we managed to make them fight each other, but I don’t think it’s going to work now.”

She gave a big sigh, bringing her hands up against her eyes.

“Sakura.”

“Hm.”

“Look at me.” She did so, lowering her hands around her form slowly. “That was just one way to deal with the situation. Not the most subtle one, I admit it, but that’s one down.”

He pulled out a scroll, rolled it between them. It was a tree of several faces connected between each other, labeled as “Gō family”. There were around 20 portraits drawn there. Sasuke took a brush and some ink and crossed one out, the fifth one, the one responsible for human trafficking.

“If you’re still feeling bad about it, then we’ll fix up your mess, you angry demon,” he looked up to her, cracking up a smile. She blushed back at him, crossing her arms and turned her face away, seemingly trying to think.

“_Rude_. Still... Sorry.”

She was probably not completely convinced she had done good, but when she needed to be coaxed into something, he had noticed his smiles would do half the work, if not more. He felt he became bolder at using them against her. It was fun to watch too. She had pointed out he was being unfair. But had not asked him to stop. So he didn’t.

“We’ll work on something else in the meantime. See this one?”

He pointed at a gruff looking woman. She turned and lied sideways, her hand supporting her head, looking down at the parchment.

“Seira, smuggler by sea and mistress of all water ways. Her people limits the authorities intervention. They have a warehouse where most of her ships are kept, even though most are out on patrols.”

The more he talked, the more she looked focused and thoughtful. Sakura was sometimes a bit reckless but she was still one of the smartest people of their promotion. Her medical mind gave him an insight he didn’t always considered.

“So we try and limit their area of action?”

“That’s the idea. Once it’s done, the people of Kirigakure can settle on her territory and prepare a counterattack. They need our signal to start, though.”

“Right. What about the warehouse?”

He pulled out the map and settled it between them, pointing at a place a bit ways off the Blue Swamp. 

“Here. Next to a channel here connected to a river a bit more upstream. And then to the swamp.”

“Should we destroy the warehouse altogether?” she asked casually. He smirked up, raising an eyebrow at her.

“What?” she snarked, blushing again. “I’m on a streak, might as well...”

“Simmer down, woman. The idea in itself isn’t bad but it’s too direct to my taste. They will already be on edge after the commotion you did.”

She sighed. “I need a drink.”

“You’ll get it. But this mission comes first.”

He flicked his two fingers on her forehead and she made a face, muttering another apology. He felt himself smile. _Righteous to a fault, this one._

He remembered being just as reckless, some time ago, when he was running after one enemy to the other, revenge fueling his body and mind, with a misplaced hunger for justice. Hers however, was of a selfless nature. Of course, her own personal values influenced her judgement. But she would punish anyone abusing of their power. Especially if children were involved. Anyone hurting children would receive an unbridled wrath from her. No mercy. 

Not even for herself. 

At night, she would call out the name of the girl she couldn’t save while doing her surgery. Mio. Sometimes it would be the other one. Haruki. To this day she still blamed herself for their deaths. When he would see her in the morning, with a forced smile on, and puffed eyes from crying under her covers, he would try to be especially kind. That was a challenge in itself. For as long as he could remember, his kindness was not worth a lot. Mostly because he had not been using it much. 

Fortunately he had a good example to follow. Sakura was one, for instance. He remembered when she tried to loudly get his attention back in their genin years, sometimes very clumsily, because she didn’t know him quite as well as she did today. And well.. he wasn’t interested. It was a bit different now. Sakura was much more aware of his personal space, of his preferences regarding food, or sleeping arrangements, or gathering information. Part of this was due to her willingness to prove she could be of use to him and tried hard not to bother him too much. He was grateful for that. But sometimes, when he had dreamt of the past, of the blood and the bodies of his family... of Hitachi, she would notice it somehow, and spent the next day, trying to cheer him up, doing the talking for two, joking and laughing, but also giving him his space, talking about a new place she discovered, hinting he could go and check it out, to get out of his head a bit but never forcing the suggestion on him... 

And sometimes she would just suggest they drink together.

“How is it? Do you think you can be my drinking buddy again tonight?” 

She would sometimes ask him this, trying to sound challenging but she only looked bashful. He never said no. Not to that. Not when she was making that kind of expression. He pretended it was a hassle. It never was. Fortunately, since they were sleeping in the same room, he only had to pull her on her own futon when she was passed out. She was always passed out.

She knew him well now. He understood that all this caution and concern around him was old, and practiced, a proof of her affection for him that lasted through the years and hardships. She was a stubborn one, that’s for sure. He wracked his brain numerous times, trying to understand what on Earth she found in him that deserved her attention. Except for his strength and mind as a ninja, qualities he was certain of, nothing really came to mind.

Last night, he had heard her cry in her sleep, trying to hide it under her covers again. So today he tried to show her some affection. His range of action was quite limited in that regard, but he was learning.

They spent the next part of the day devising a plan to take down their next target. Then it would be time for Sakura to assume again her cover as apothecary apprentice to gather more information, and for him to go scouting the warehouse.

During the first days of their infiltration, Sasuke has been afraid that the kindness he knew from Sakura would shift, would change by working on this mission with him. Here she would see the absolute worst of humanity, the scum of the Earth, crimes done to innocent people indiscriminately. He knew she had seen her share of blood and the consequences of those criminals’ actions from her days at the hospital. But it was a world of difference between being aware of something and actually being able to handle it when faced with those situations in person. He was afraid for her mind, her strength, for her soul. He feared she could end up being hurt from the things she would see her, that she would get corrupted with the darkness of the Blue Swamp. That she would end drowning in the destructive and insidious aura of this place. That all of this would break her.

But he had underestimated her again. She would always be shocked by what she saw and considered to be horrible. It was a constant and that would probably never change. Somehow, it was a comfort, that she didn’t get used to stuff like this. It meant she was still Sakura, with a common sense that could face any hardship and still be unharmed. But she knew how to act on it. She knew how to be strong and where her sense of justice lied. Her good will and her strength of mind remained as usual, if not stronger. She was still the kindest person he ever met. 

Perhaps it had not been a mistake to take her with him, after all.

“Honestly,” she had said to him, once, deadpan, when he confessed his relief that she was holding up well, “this place just means that I need to punch more people in the face.” He had snorted at that. That summed it up pretty nicely. He pointed out she’s had sounded like Naruto just now, and dodged a pillow thrown to his face as she yelled “You take that back, asshole!!”

She really made him laugh, sometimes. He had not expected for them cheer each other up this much. And he had greatly underestimated their need for it.

She dressed in another yukata, clear blue -this time not forgetting to go in the bathroom to change-, grabbed the wig, took off the parchment hidden in it and exchanged it with another one. The hair passed from brown to a dull red. She expertly pinned it to her scalp, gave it a few shakes. She focused a bit, kneeling in front of her mirror and he saw her chakra slowly coming in action. The mark on her forehead slowly started to fade and it was as if it had never been there. Something she learnt to do recently. It was too noticeable. Anyone in the apothecary business had heard of Tsunade and her disciple at least once. This mark was proof of her identity as much as of her master’s.

Then she got up, being in the yukata made her do it quite gracefully. She had calmed down and resumed her professional façade, while gathering her pouches. 

“Well then I’ll be going,” she said casually. As if she was not going to be on a mission that could endanger her life for the next hours. 

“Right. Take care.”

She paused for a second, then looked behind her shoulder and asked with a grin that was more humble than she probably wanted it to look. 

“I don’t suppose I could a get a little kiss for good luck now, could I?” she asked, scratching her chin.

He raised an eyebrow at her. _You are bold today, aren’t you, Haruno-san_, he thought, amused.

“Haha, just kidding,” her shoulders slumped just a little at his expression.

She wanted it to be cheeky. It sounded shy and she was blushing. She probably thought he wasn’t going to take her up on that. 

He hummed, then got up. She froze.

“Eh?”

He stepped closer to her, she looked startled. Before she could completely react, he slid his hand to the back of her neck and brought her face closer to his. Her skin was burning under his palm. He leaned in. 

And pressed his lips to her forehead. Right where her mark, the proof of her strength, of her power and her will, would be. 

He stayed there for a bit longer than he probably should. He had felt like doing it for a while now. Ever since she had told him once, during another evening of drinking, that she used to have a complex about this part of her face and how the kids at the village would bully her over it when she was younger, before they met. He quite liked this part of her.

He felt like being kind to her today. He felt like being kind to himself too. He had a good example to follow after all.

She had stiffened at first but slowly relaxed under his touch. Quite an amazing feeling... He pulled away slightly, keeping his hand on her neck. He wished for a moment he could feel her hair through his fingers and not the wig’s.

He looked down at her, and she was completely blushing, awestruck, staring at him, as if she didn’t believe this just happened. He could understand her disbelief. But he had noticed after a while that he liked taking her by surprise.

“Uchiha-san. Are you actually sober?” she asked him incredulously.

He snorted. Yeah, he remembered that one alright. Probably had it coming.

“_Fuck you_,” he answered appropriately.

She laughed and punched lightly his shoulder. Then sighed, biting her lips.

“Not quite what I expected,” she muttered.

“Hm. Did you not want me to do that, Haruno-san? Maybe you expected a kiss to another place?” He had used a neutral expression, but had looked down at her mouth and she saw that. Somehow this, plus his tone and the words he spoke seemed to get her even redder. He chuckled at that.

“I mean,” she said her voice trembling, but her expression growing mischievous, “I would’ve liked another place, sure, but I can work with that.”

“I’m sure you can,” he smirked.

“... You are a _tease_, Sasuke-kun, you know that?” She smirked back, but her face was still red from his action.

“Hm. Probably.” He paused then looked her in the eyes. “Do you mind that?” He added a bit more seriously.

_Are you sure this is the guy you want?_ was what he meant. It was probably a long shot, asking her like that.

She stared back, slightly surprised at his change of tone. He sighed and brought her face closer, resting his own forehead on hers, closing his eyes, as if he was pleading her. He liked having her here. He didn’t feel like being any closer to her than this for now. But that was enough.

“No. Not as much as I would initially think at least.” She said that very softly. He could read between the lines here. He breathed a chuckle through his nose. He was more relieved than he cared to admit. She brought her hand under his elbow, as if to ask him to stay close just for a bit longer. He did. His hand was still on her neck. 

After another long moment, he pulled back a bit to look at her. She looked dizzy. He chuckled when he saw her forehead again.

“Sakura. Your mark is showing again.”

She blinked her eyes open. 

“Shit.” _Another curse word_, he noted. _Should I start counting them?_ She looked up at him, pouting. “Well whose fault is that, I wonder.”

He smirked and she blushed again, muttering something that sounded like ‘really unfair’. He saw her close her eyes and focus. After a moment and her flow of chakra shifting in her, the mark disappeared again. 

“Is it gone now?”

“Yes.” He passed his thumb over it, as if to make sure. “You’re good to go.” 

“Well now I don’t want to go.”

He pulled his hand away to flick his two fingers on her forehead. She made a face.

“Stop it, now I’m going to get another mark, if you keep doing that,” she snarked.

“Well whose fault is that, I wonder,” he deadpanned. She laughed at his comment before sticking her tongue at him. “So childish,” he chuckled.

“Yes, well, you’ll have to deal with that,” she said, but her tone was shy. Humble.

_Are you sure you want to deal with me?_ was what he heard under this. Again with this lack of confidence from her. Then again he could talk.

“Hm. I don’t mind that as much as I probably should,” he answered, somehow repeating her words from before. 

She looked down. Her smile looked relieved and grateful. He should be the one looking like that.

“Good luck then,” he released her and leaned against the door frame, towering over her. He probably looked a bit too smug like that. She grinned up at him, while still blushing.

“Yep. See you later.”

Sakura turned to go down the wooden stairs of their room, but he called out to her:

“Sakura.” When she looked up at him, he said with a neutral face. “I’m probably going to need some good luck on my side, one of these days.”

She paused, probably not sure if he was joking or not, her eyes slightly wide, then she gave him a dazzling smile.

“Be careful, I might actually hold you up to that,” she teased.

“Can’t wait.” She laughed happily. Then looked back at him.

“Sasuke-kun.”

“Yes.”

“Thank you. For cheering me up. Again.”

He scratched his neck, getting suddenly timid. “Mutual benefits, I guess.” “Really?” He looked at her inquisitive eyes and nodded. She looked even more happy, if that was even possible. “I’m glad then.” She gave him a wave before running down the stairs. He heard the skip in her gait. He smiled to himself and waited she was further away before going out for his scouting mission. 

He felt lighter than usual. He didn’t know how long it was going to last, or if he deserved to feel like that at all, but for now he would revel in it.


	4. One step closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura, her thoughts on Team Taka, and trying to figure more things out.
> 
> Warning: that’s a long ass chapter.

“Behold.” Sakura said dramatically, pulling out a picture from a pocket from her tunic. “My parents,” she then sneered.

Karin and Suigetsu both leaned to each side of her, staring down at the photo. Then Suigetsu sputtered and started to cackle and Karin looked genuinely perplexed.

“Haruno, please tell me this isn’t your father’s real hairdo,” Karin said, taking off her glasses, giving them to a still snickering Suigetsu who cleaned them up with his black shirt, before giving them back to her. 

“‘Fraid not. Apparently, he decided to adopt this the day of my birth, when they decided on my name.” She glared to the void. “And has not changed it in the past _21 years_.”

Suigetsu hissed sympathetically.

“Gods,” Karin said, oddly sympathetic, after putting her glasses back on her nose. “Somehow, this makes me glad mine are dead.”

“Wow, this got dark real quick,” Suigetsu chuckled. “But that is one epic hair.”

“I mean compared to yours, certainly,” Karin snarked, pushing up her glasses. “You basically pour water on your own hair everyday to get it like this don’t you,”

“Do you want to talk about yours, you pig?” Suigetsu said on the same tone. 

“Sheesh, don’t mind me during this burning confession of love, I will get a refill,” Sakura snickered while the two members of the Taka team kept on bickering. 

The Gō Family had been brought down swiftly after the different barons were destroyed by Sakura, Sasuke and Team Taka respectively. Well, “swiftly” might be exaggerated. Overall the operation lasted two months. 

Sakura had never been away from Konoha this long before, and even though she missed her home, she felt good. There was no other worries than the task at hand, and working with Sasuke’s team was tough but it had brought some sort of focus to her. She had healed some of the victims of the Gō family, which had put off the conclusion of the case a bit further for her than for the others. And strangely enough, this was how she started to get along with Karin.

Sakura remembered that her first meeting with Karin had been quite the dramatic one. Years ago, Sasuke had been making mistakes after the other, betrayed Karin, and tried to kill Sakura while she pretended to join him and he had asked her to kill Karin. Later on, a disappointed Karin and a traumatized Sakura had somehow bonded over the situation while the kunoichi had healed the other.

This was before. 

Their relationship today started off with work on the drugs. Both women volunteered to work on what the mafia had created, in the Kirigakure labs. Sakura knew to tame the jealousy she had felt when she recalled that woman had been with Sasuke for a while and knew him quite well. She also realized that Karin used to have feelings for him, part of her probably still did. The tension had been palpable and putting the team in quite an uncomfortable mood. The boys, Juugo, Suigetsu and even Sasuke, had been careful to avoid any crossfire. When they started working in the labs with the rest of the medical staff, they had reduced the slight animosity to a cold and professional courtesy.

At some point, Karin had been using a street-smart technique to identify the nature of the second main component of the powdered drug found in the Gō warehouses. And that technique had blown Sakura’s mind.

“How does that work?” she had asked, completely forgoing any of the boundaries they had implicitly put between each other.

“Huh? You mean this? Well... You stick the tube with the sample in to a hard piece of parchment, and then you roll it in a thread and unfurl it in one go.” 

She demonstrated it again, Sakura was still gobsmacked, looking at Karin then at the contraption she had made.

“Is this as efficient as the centrifuge?”

“Pretty much. Same efficiency, but on smaller samples, so it’s faster. If you know exactly what the component is supposed to look like after this, the result is clear. You’re not going to believe the states of the labs I had to work in to achieve this extent of DIY,” Karin sighed dramatically, pushing up her glasses.

“Budget cuts, huh?” Sakura guessed sympathetically.

“That’s a gross understatement but basically yeah. Orochimaru was not the most generous of patrons once he disinterested himself from a research.”

Strange, hearing someone speaking of this man, one of the most dangerous criminal of the shinobi world, so casually. 

Sakura stared some more at her piece, and then gripped the woman’s shoulders.

“_Where have you been all my life?!_”

Karin had widen her eyes and stiffened under her grasp.

“You absolutely need to teach me this, this is brilliant, the epitome of medical ninja techniques!”

In retrospect, Sakura might’ve shown a bit too much of enthusiasm, at that time, but compared to the childish coldness she had first shown, this definitely broke the ice between the two women. She dared say, Karin was somehow weak to her flattery.

Karin and Sakura quickly started to exchange a lot more on medical knowledge, and their experiences. While Sakura did not approve of the methods her peer used while working for Orochimaru, the results Karin had come up on the way different jutsu and techniques could influence the human body were quite fascinating, although quite hard to listen to.

“You’re definitely a Konoha girl,” Karin had huffed, but not unkindly after she told her about her job, and had watched Sakura’s reactions to her tale.

While both of them were on break around a cup of tea -both of them having checked them for poison, force of habit-, Sakura had looked up from her cup. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she pouted.

“No offense really. Back before Sasuke went _bonkers_,” Sakura had almost spit her tea at that and Karin had chuckled before continuing, “he was still of the righteous sort, you see what I mean? All about justice. And surprisingly kind too. No killing, save for the members of Akatsuki. No innocents involved, that sort of thing.”

“Hm.”

“Suigetsu had pointed out that it was his Konoha background that did that.”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing?”

Karin had looked at her from the corner of her eye, as if surprised Sakura had such a neutral tone. Then she chuckled.

“It’s not necessarily a bad thing. Not in itself, I suppose. I just always thought this kind of considerations were a burden to my work. To my life. People don’t care about me, so why should I?”

“Hm... Then should I have left you to die that day when we met, and not healed you?”

Karin had stared at her, mouth slightly gaping. As she was hesitating to answer that question, Sakura went on.

“Let me put it in another perspective for you. Helping people have always been beneficial to me at some point in my life. Even mathematically speaking, keeping people alive and healthy keeps their chances up, and your own opportunities in life are multiplied twice, if not tenfold. Gratefulness is key of course, but most importantly, the connection established with the person. This is especially true when you work in the medical field. The way Konoha raised their ninjas is as such. Had I not acted the “goody-two-shoe way”, I might not have been able to meet as many people as I did in my time.”

She then pointed at Karin, with a smile.

“Case in point.”

Karin had hummed then smiled back.

“Well aren’t you just cute.”

“Thanks, I’m trying,” Sakura said with a feigned nonchalance, and Karin had cackled at that.

Thus Karin and Sakura became friends. This had made her stay with Taka considerably more enjoyable, with a fellow scientific as a coworker and friend. 

Tonight marked the end of their time together. Supposedly. Or rather the mission. Whether or not they would stick together after this was still up for debate.

They rejoined with members of the Anbu from Kirigakure for a quick celebration party at one of their brand new stake out. In the distance, the Gō main residence was still burning, giving a rather nice picture with its reflection in the swamp’s waters. The night was clear and the moon was up. Definitely a great night. 

As she poured herself another cup of sake, Sakura’s mood couldn’t be better. She settled on the roof, the buzz of alcohol slowly reaching her head, enjoying the breeze and the humid smell of the swamps below. Not necessarily a bad one. It smelt of earth and water, added to a salty smell of the sea in the distance. And of the distant smoke from the fire destroying the residence.

_Now, Sakura_, she said to herself. _It was time to think on what to do next_. This mission was over. Was it time for her to leave Sasuke’s side and return to Konoha?

A massive part of her screamed immediately “_NO!_” to that question. It was the love-sick part. The desperate part. The childish and irrational part. She wanted to be with him more than anything. Getting further away from him would feel like loosing him for good.

The rational part of her said that it would be time to go back to Konoha. Sasuke had been awfully patient with her whims, it would be preferable to not bother him further, and people could need her help in the village.

The philosophical part of her said that she had yet to figure things out inside of her. She was still looking. She didn’t come much closer to an answer. Saving people seemed to be the constant. Talking with Karin taught her this much. She felt like she was on the right track...

While she pondered the question, she leaned on the rail of the roof and looked below, to the balcony one story down where Sasuke and Juugo were both sitting on a bench, facing the swamps. Strangely enough, Sasuke was the one doing most of the talking, while Juugo was feeding three cats that were hanging out around them. She giggled when she noticed one who elected to sleep on Sasuke’s lap, as he was absentmindedly petting it. Sasuke looked up at her when hearing the noise, and she just stared back, leaning her face against her arms crossed on the railing. The moonlight was flattering for his features, she thought, smiling down at him. 

“Drunk already?” he called out.

“How dare you. I am the epitome of soberness,” she claimed with fake pompousness, and an obviously slurred voice. She might have exaggerated a bit.

He snorted and Juugo looked up at her, intrigued.

“Oh. Hello, Sakura-san.”

“Hello, Juugo-kun. Are you having fun?”

She referred to the party but she softened when he looked around to look at the cats then back at her, a shy smile on his face.

“Yes! They are good company.”

She smiled back. Even though, she learnt over the time she spent working with Taka on this case, that Juugo was a powerful warrior, with a might originating from the Mark, on which Orochimaru himself based his patterns across all his vessel candidates, -she had been witness to the effects on Sasuke in their youth-, he was also a very sensitive man, with a delicate mind, and who cared deeply for the animals around him. To the point that he could communicate with them. When he wasn’t in “Curse mode”, he was surprisingly level headed and smart. He simply had a more passive approach. Out of all the Taka team members, he was the first one she managed to actually befriend. He didn’t exactly care about society and humans in general but he seemed to care a lot about the members of Taka.

Of course, Sasuke managed to give her a bit more history on him, referring specifically on how cold he could be regarding human lives, as he was not treated in the most humane way, growing up. Which promptly brought back the feeling in her of ripping Orochimaru’s head off -she actually let that slip in front of Sasuke and he had laughed again, because what was dignity really, Sakura?

“Do you need some company?” Sasuke asked her. “I wouldn’t want you to tip off the ledge and die miserably, after what you pulled off today, it’d be a waste.”

“Your face is what’s a waste,” she grumbled. “I’m fine! You stay there with the cats. You both are too cute, like that!”

“Suits yourself,” he chuckled before going back to his talk with Juugo. She looked at them for a while longer, her smile still on. Then she stepped away from the railing and sat back on her chair, staring at the view. Listening to the crickets and the hubbub of the party below.

She probably fell asleep like that because after a while, she woke up when a fresh hand came to touch her forehead, palm cold against her face heated by the alcohol. She knew this hand well now.

“Checking if I’m dead?” she joked softly.

“Hm,” Sasuke nodded. “Looks like you’re still in this world after all.” He pushed some strands of her hair away, exposing her forehead further to the air. His hand remained there and she closed her eyes, choosing to preserve her heart from the sight of him looking down at her, and simply enjoy the moment.

“Why, yes. Sorry to disappoint.” 

He breathed a chuckle before stepping away and leaning on the railing. She could guess from the sound of it. She opened her eyes to see him leaning casually on it, facing the ruins burning in the distance, the swamp and the moon reflection. 

Once upon a time, the sight of his back would have offended her. This she had confessed to him. In the Forest of Death she had promised that day to never have her teammates protect her and constantly showing their back to her. Of course, this promise had been a bit of a personal joke now, considering how she kept seeing them during the last few years. Mostly due to her lack of competence and her emotional weakness. 

But somehow, now that she was seeing Sasuke’s back, turned to her, after all the conflict that happened between them, somehow this sight had an all other meaning.

He was trusting her. 

He showed her his back, not because he was protecting her. But because he trusted that she had his back. She smiled fondly at the realization. 

She was probably imagining things but there was the comfort of certainty in her heart. Somehow, she felt like she was on the right track.

“What’s going to happen now?” she asked. As she spoke, she heard her voice clear. There was no slur in her tone. 

He looked at her from behind his shoulder. Then looked back to the view.

“I should probably ask you the same thing.”

Sakura smiled quietly. She saw him turn back, pulling a stool and sitting next to her. He took the bottle of sake she had settled next to her and poured himself a drink. He took a sip, seemed to contemplate for a moment. Then looked up at her.

“I have another mission up north. You probably don’t know about this one... At least I doubt Kakashi was careless enough to tell any body else other than me.”

“Are you bringing Taka with you?” 

“Probably not. I should do this one alone. For real this time. I will probably need to go all out.”

“Sounds dreadful,” she hummed casually, and he barked a laugh. Looked up at her again. He was smiling at her. It was almost bashful. She felt her cheeks blush but ignored her embarrassment. She put her elbow on the armrest of her chair and her chin in her palm. Focusing her eyes on him. “What’s on your mind?”

He paused. He opened his mouth then closed it, glaring a reproachful look at his drink.

“I might have had a bit too much.”

She snorted. “Story of my life.”

“You seem to be holding your liquor a bit better than before,” he observed.

Still looking at him, she hummed and thought about it genuinely.

“Usually I suppose I’m barely able to hold a simple conversation for longer than three minutes.” He snorted back. “But I realized I did what was the easiest for me. Actually I can be much more lucid than I usually want to be. Many drinking sessions and talking in the dead of the night helped me figure that out.”

He nodded, ignoring her little joke. 

“What else did you figure out?” he asked and she knew what he was referring to.

Had she figured out what she wanted to be? How she wanted to be? If she did figure it out, would that mean it was indeed time for her to go back?

“Probably not as much as I wish I had,” Sakura sighed. “One thing that I’ve realized though, is that I’m angry.”

She clenched her fist, in contrast of the calm expression she tried to maintain as she turned her gaze to the swamp.

“I’m so angry and I can’t seem to see at what. It’s... dormant, a tension of sort... that I keep deep inside and when I release it I just...” she made a vague gesture to the ruins in the distance, “... destroy everything.”

“Anger, huh...”

“Yeah. Specific, isn’t it.”

“I suppose so,” he smiled at her ironic tone. 

“How did you deal with it?” she asked suddenly, hungry for any answer he could offer.

There was a silence in which Sasuke seemed to think carefully. Even taking another sip from his drink.

“Pretty badly, honestly,” he confessed. He gave a bitter chuckle. “I think you can agree with that.”

“Yes, but who can blame you...”

“_Don’t_.” He interrupted her. “Sakura, every time you say something nice to me, every time you encourage me and try to cheer me up, I appreciate. I always will.” His sudden honesty surprised her but she forbade herself from blushing before he finished his point. “But please, never justify any action I did that hurt you all. Anger or not... Vengeance or not... Anyone can blame me and I certainly won’t stop them.”

She thinned her mouth and nodded. She heard him sigh through his nose. Quiet ruled over them for a moment. Sakura was so focused on her words she didn’t dare speak another time.

“I suppose...” Sasuke spoke again, careful, “that I had the weird and... I guess... questionable advantage of being able to direct my anger, my hatred, to an entity in particular. Whether it was Itachi, or Danzou, or Konoha... I could direct it towards them. It gave me focus, and purpose. You seem to have no one or nothing to direct it to.”

“Might be for the best,” she said bitterly.

“Is it? You hurt yourself either way.”

She blinked and settled against the back of her chair, staring wide towards the swamps, but really to nowhere in particular. She felt tears prickling at the corner of her eyes, as realization downed on her. 

Sasuke was talking about his pain. To help her. Admitting to something she herself could barely acknowledge. Or rather, she welcomed her pain and ignored the consequences it had on her. 

“The hospital did a number on you, huh.”

As she looked back at him, she noticed wetness pouring down her cheeks and she gave a dramatic sigh.

“There I go crying again,” she grumbled, scrubbing impatiently at her eyes. “This is becoming tiresome.”

“Well... I suppose you still had a lot to release after all.”

She laughed at his words and she heard the sadness in the sound coming from her throat. 

“Look at me, ruining the party again. It’s supposed to be a happy night, dammit!”

“You are not ruining anything,” he declared sternly. “Stop constantly thinking this is all your fault.”

He poked firmly at her forehead and she made a face, followed by a shy laugh.

“You’re becoming annoying,” he added with a smirk, and she gasped dramatically at that.

“You deserve a punch in the face for this call back, you little...”

He flashed a smile at her and she snapped her mouth closed, feeling the heat coming to her face.

“You sly fox,” she stammered, “you know what that smile does to me, it should be illegal!” She went as far as to pinch his cheek. He swatted her hand away playfully.

“Well you didn’t tell me to stop.”

“I know what I did and did not do, good sir,” she grumbled, a pout forming on her mouth. “It’s still unfair.”

He leaned slightly forward, as if trying to see if there was something on her face.

“You can be pretty unfair too, when you want to,” he mused aloud.

“Compared to you? I doubt it,” she scoffed back.

“You’d be surprised.” 

She blinked at him, with a surprised look. She might be imagining things but his face seemed to soften from staring at her. She hesitated for another moment before alcohol brought boldness to the table.

“Oh? Is that so? Indulge me then,” she said softly as if conspiring with him. “What do I have that is unfair to you?” She was in a joking mood and she didn’t expect any answer from him. 

However yet again, he took her by surprise.

“Your eyes.”

She stared, feeling her mouth gape. _Huh?_

“When you get red as well,” his head tilted on the side, as if to look at her from another angle. “I think I am a bit weak to that.” 

_Oh my gods._

Inside of her mind. Sakura was positively screaming. However outside, she was completely stunned.

“Like right now,” he added with that smile of his that was devastating. 

“You definitely had too much,” Sakura muttered trying to avoid his gaze.

“Hm. I don’t deny it. But I’m enjoying it right now.”

_You smug bastard..._

“I want to come with you.” 

As soon as she blurted out those words she winced internally. Sasuke nodded slowly.

“I know. But it’s probably not a good idea.”

“I feel like I’m almost there, that I almost got it. I feel restless, I feel like all this energy needs to... I don’t know.. go somewhere!!”

“You will find it, but I don’t think the answer is with me.”

“How can you be so sure of that? Something inside of me is begging me to not let you out of my sight for even one moment...”

He sighed. Reached out for her head and started petting her hair. She calmed down almost immediately, and got embarrassed at how quickly he managed to do that.

“I’m afraid I will lose you again,” she confessed after a moment.

“You will not lose me, Sakura.”

“I know you’re strong, that this kind of mission will be easy for you, that you work better alone and...”

At loss for words, Sakura grabbed his hand softly, giving him the time to pull away, but he didn’t. She kissed his knuckles again. She saw his eyes widen but he squeezed her hand slightly.

“Sometimes,” she whispered. “I dream that you walk into darkness, that you get swallowed and that I can’t pull you out. I hear Naruto’s voice calling out to you, and I’m just crying because I reach out and I can’t grab your hands. And you’re sinking further down and...”

“I have the same dreams.” 

She looked up at him, surprised. He was looking absentmindedly at their linked hands.

“I sink into darkness. I’m hearing muffled voices trying to call my name. I barely hear them. But somehow, there was a light that I could see, and I could find my way back. You will not lose me, Sakura. As long as you’re here, I will never be lost.”

She felt new tears roll on her cheeks as he confessed those thoughts and she knew they were tears of joy. Those words meant so much to her. 

“And so if I can find my way back to you,” he said finally. “Then without a doubt, you will find a way to yourself as well. Got it?”

She contemplated his reassurance and nodded sheepishly. He passed his hand on her forehead again, she closed her eyes, letting his fresh palm sit on her skin.

She had stopped crying.

A few days later, she asked if she could escort him on his way to the mission and he said yes. She said her goodbyes to Taka, but Karin gave the coordinates to one of her labs and invited her for a “girls night”. 

“I have some samples that could need your expertise,” Karin had said nonchalantly. Suigetsu has grinned behind her, saying she wasn’t being honest and received a slap that created a wet mess because he morphed into water to avoid the impact. Chaos, as usual.

Sakura promised she would without a doubt visit.

It took some two weeks to reach the border of the country for his mission. It was cold and Sakura had shivered under her cloak, contemplating the desolated landscapes, full of apprehension for him. Sasuke made them stop at an inn so he could resupply. In the meantime Sakura prepared him a thorough medical kit with various antidotes and vaccines. She made a complete medical check up of him, took notes and filed them away neatly.

He knew she wanted to stall but he let her, obeyed her instructions, and took all of the supplies she gave him, except those he considered superficial. She was afraid they would be numerous but it ended only being two or three things. The rest he took.

They drank one last time during the night before his departure. This time she didn’t cry. She was strangely at peace with the state of things. He gave her the keys to figure things out. She had thanked him that night. And he had smiled.

Dawn wasn’t there yet when she woke up to see him getting dressed.

“Hey there,” she said sleepily, stretching.

“You should sleep more,” he admonished quietly. “You have until noon to leave the inn.”

“Good morning to you too,” she huffed. “I’m fine. I wanted to see you off.”

He gave a quick sigh. 

“Good morning,” he said finally and she smiled back at him. 

He knelt next to his futon to finish packing his bag. Sakura helped him gather the rest of his stuff.

“Sakura,” he said after a while.

“Hm?”

He scratched his chin, looking surprisingly sheepish. Was that a blush on his cheeks?

“I might need some luck on my side...,” he muttered.

She paused, in slow realization. Heat came to her face but she couldn’t help the smile blooming on it.

“Are you sure?”

“... Certain,” he grumbled. 

She leaned closer, teasing. “What was that?”

“Woman, I will not beg for it,” he snapped impatiently and she laughed, more out of nervousness.

“Wow, okay, settle down. Here I go!”

He looked up at her. She allowed herself to raise her hand and push away the hair masking his other eye. When he opened it, it gave a slight glow. He simply looked at her, waiting. She contemplated his face and put her hand on his cheek. 

And kissed him. 

She came in slow, to give him time to pull away. It was a simple press of lips against the others. She pulled away, to see that he had cosed his eyes, with a focused frown.

She didn’t quite believe this just happened, but she was too engrossed in the moment to allow her inner self to scream of pure embarrassment and glee.

“Was that okay?” she asked, almost teasingly.

“Hm. I don’t think it’s going to be enough luck...” She snorted at that and looked back at his devastating smirk, before closing in again. And again. With each new kiss he brought her closer to him.

It was basically the spark.

The morning cold quickly ceded the stage to heat. Their room was rather small after all. They completely forgot what the weather was outside. At this moment, as far as they were concerned, there was only the room. And them.

When he finally left, she joked that he probably had now much more luck than he first gave her. 

“I’ll pay you back,” he simply shrugged. Sakura became a tomato at these words. “See you later, Sakura.” He smiled at her behind his shoulder.

“Yeah. See you later!” She grinned back at him. 

She definitely slept until noon after this.

Sakura arrived at Karin’s lab a few weeks later and the two women threw themselves at one project after the other. 

Once, Orochimaru visited the lab, and though the man was surprisingly much more courteous than before, Sakura kindly requested she punched the man, because she’d been itching to do that for quite a while. This seemed to have amused him greatly and he accepted.

The punch was so hard his neck stretched, snake-like, and slammed the ground before his body did. But Sakura still thanked him and they went on with their jobs. Thankfully he didn’t stay long but still. Sakura explained that it had been thoroughly cathartic to Karin and the bespectacled woman understood that quite well.

Eventually, Juugo and Suigetsu crashed in the lab after a merc job and started to live with them, to Karin’s great _delight_.

Much like with Karin, Sakura learnt to like Suigetsu. He was a little shit most of the time, but would spout out some funny line or even wise words when he wanted to. And he was a great drinking buddy. Plus it was extremely entertaining to see him and Karin constantly bicker, like an old couple. They probably were not a couple, and probably never would be, but their closeness was still quite peculiar. 

She told this to Juugo who had shrugged. 

“They probably care more for each other than they first let on,” he still said.

Sometimes, Sakura would go bird watching with Juugo. She never expected the stay to the lab to be so relaxing. 

Over time, Sakura contemplated her anger issue, the members of team Taka being surprisingly helpful in that regard. The research she did with Karin was thrilling and fun. She had needed to use her abilities for something other than simply healing people, with lives at stakes. Juugo and Suigetsu sparred with her a lot. Trying to hit efficiently Suigetsu was incredibly infuriating, because, you know, trying to hit water was as easy as it got. This pushed her to use her chakra and power in innovative kind of ways. And Juugo was just a powerhouse like her. So power wasn’t necessarily the way to go against him. 

Basically, during her stay, she had to think a lot outside the box.

It was fun. It was inspiring. 

And one morning, she woke up after dreaming of Mio, walking in a field, delivering bakeries. And she had opened her eyes and they were dry. She was smiling.

Sakura was then closer to peace. One step closer.

Thus two months were spent during which Karin and Sakura got closer each day and became true friends, even though they would sometimes throw back-handed compliments at each other. She reminded her of Ino in some way. 

Then one morning, Sakura threw up in the garbage bin of the lab.

“Wow, what’s going on, have you been drinking while I wasn’t looking?” Karin snarked. Sakura had shrugged, before vomiting some more. Karin lowered her glasses at her, before realization downed on her. She formed some mudras with her hands.

_Mind eye of the Kagura!_

Eyes closed she focused and turned her gaze to Sakura. And saw another chakra core forming in her belly along with her own. She cancelled her special technique and waited for Sakura to sit. 

“So... it’s not alcohol,” Karin said, squinting her eyes at her.

“Obviously,” Sakura deadpanned. “We only drink at night, you idiot.”

“Well... we might need to stop doing that too...”

Sakura blanked, shocked.

“Did you hit your head, Four-eyes?”

“I don’t know, did you have sex with Sasuke?” Karin frowned. 

Sakura sputtered so hard, she had do go back to vomiting. There was a silence. After she scrubbed her mouth, she stared at Karin.

“You don’t think...”

“I just checked. I’m positive So that means no more drinking nights for you, Sakura-chan.” Karin patted her shoulder, with a smirk.

“.....Shit....” 

Shock morphed into a stupidly wide grin.

“Oh shit!!”

“Yes, yes, we’re all thrilled,” she snarked, pushing her glasses on her nose. “Now go clean up before you smear all of that stuff on our papers.”

“I need to tell Suigetsu-kun! And Juugo-kun,” Sakura dazedly said as she wobbled out of the lab.

“Go clean your damn face off first, you animal!!” Karin yelled at her. 

When she left, she sighed and had a secret smile as she started writing a message on a small paper.

“Someone’s gonna be surprised... Juugo!” she called out in the hallway. “I need one of your birds!”

One step closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is going to be the last entry to this fic. YES THE LAST! I think I’ve done my part for this ship, and I’ve done a good part for Sakura as well. I hope you enjoyed this drunken ride. I know I did! Thank you for reading this!
> 
> Also I’m calling out Sakura’s parents’ designs. What the fuck, Kishimoto. What the fuck.


End file.
